So…here’s my new year’s resolution:
Not the most inspiring, granted.
However it’s taken me over a decade to discover the profundity of my Mum’s words to me when I was a teenager, “You need to slow down. You don’t stop for a minute”.
My younger brother would playfully jest that he needed to request about three months in advance to see me for about half an hour. Tres amusing.
In all honesty, I liked it.
To be busy, to be able to fill your time was something I considered a personal achievement. I was a young thing at the top of her game. Or so I thought.
This year has changed all that.
I am currently house-bound and have been for the last few days; struck down by a virus. This has granted me opportunity to look back at the year. In most part, I feel grateful.
My year has been almost entirely made up of people. Incredible individuals with whom I love spending life. However, I’ve somehow lacked focus. And purpose to some extent. I am a planner combined with a yes-person and this often makes for a fairly over-stretched diary.
Fortunately, I was granted a mild epiphany in recent months. Arguably twelve years too late. It happened when a friend told me:
‘Saying yes to something is simultaneously saying no to something else.’
It stuck.
People are my default number one and don’t get me wrong, I love my life. Full of yeses, adventures and companionship. Do my relationships come first? Irrefutably. So my regrets at the end of 2015 are certainly few. However, this new year has politely requested a slight adjustment.
So as to not get too burnt out, or be taken out for days whenever I get the tiniest bit ill, I need to give myself permission to say no, in order to say yes to myself.
I have realised that without sufficient time to myself I will not be able to:
* exhale * rest * process * write * create * choreograph * pray * read *
Oh and prance around the living room or cook up a storm in the kitchen accompanied by my eclectic playlist.
(Everybody needs more Chocolate Guinness cake).
When I asked myself what could I regret at the end of this year, it was the potential of not throwing myself into all that I love. To busy myself to the point of not producing anything of worth. Not allowing myself to grow or finding the time to give back.
Our perspectives and our output rely on all the interaction we have with the world around us. I wish to stay childlike, to wonder at things. To be wild. To let my heart sing. To create for the sake of creating. To seek renewal.
To establish this theme, I’m kick-starting the year with ‘Strip-back January’. A month where I travel less, plan less, rest more and do my best to stay put. Colour my Mum relieved.
To reinforce this, I have conveniently become ill and have been hibernating in my room for five days. (Please note: I have not quite reached the stage of developing bed sores or resorted to having Domino’s on speed dial).
What I have been able to do is let my mind wander in order to allow it to focus. Now I can appreciate just how Rapunzel became so accomplished. This ‘Princess in a tower’ syndrome is inspiring stuff.
I came across this pin on Pinterest the other day which resonated with where I’m at:
It can sometimes be so easy to feel like an inbetweener, as though you’ve left a lot behind, yet you somehow haven’t quite arrived. Arrived where, I’m not sure. Pending discovery.
Right…(now here comes the cheesy bit, turn away now if you prefer your prose dairy-free)…
A wise owl one said:
‘Focus on becoming the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with’.
One thing is guaranteed. We’re stuck with ourselves. So I’d say it’s a pretty worthwhile investment to make.
I guess my motto for the season is just this:
Focus on becoming.
And that’s me for now. Thanks for your time.
Here’s to a slice of the hermit life with a side order of wildness.